Dragon Munchies: A Whole Tale in Just One Bite

Super short original tales to snack on

by Rebekah Postupak  

DM7

The Real Princess

by Rebekah Postupak

for the Trifecta writing challenge

(333 words exactly)

I was a real princess. (Tiara, golden cascading ringlets, teacup pinkie, everything. No prince, though.)

And everyone knows a real princess’s Number One Job is to marry a prince.

(Oh. Guess not so real. Sigh.)

Now you’re wondering how I’m getting from that intro to being lost in a thunderstorm, in my nightie, two kingdoms over. Gosh, I’d love to explain, but I’m only allowed 333 words for this story. Let’s stumble ahead.

There I am, soaked and pounding at the door of some hovel. Finally the door opens and a frazzled-looking woman peers out.

“Gentle lady, wilt thou succor me?” (Princess school vocab.)

“Princess, eh?” she says, surveying me and bellowing, “FRITZ!”

A gorgeous young man with a roguish grin comes scurrying.

“Yes, Mother?”

“Prepare the princess cot.”

“But—”

“DO IT!” shouts his mother, so he does.

“Princess cot” means lumpy mattresses stacked two stories high, a complicated and ridiculous undertaking which watching him compensates for. Unfortunately I proceed to roll off that blasted bed six times during the night; come morning I am black and blue.

“Sleep well, highness?” says the mother sweetly.

“No,” I grumble. “See my bruises?”

And this is when she starts shrieking. “FRITZ! FRITZ!”

Out scurries the young man again, bleary-eyed (though still rakishly good-looking). “Yes?”

“I’VE FOUND A REAL PRINCESS!”

Turns out the frazzled woman is actually a frazzled queen, and on account of dashing Fritz they’d been drowning in marriage proposals from girls claiming to be real princesses when actually they were mostly state prisoners.

So they go into hiding and the Queen conjures up this nutty Test in which she sticks vegetables under a mattress mountain, figuring only royal blood is sensitive enough to notice.

Hence, her rapture at seeing my bruises.

Hence, Fritz throwing me a glance so sardonic and clever, I have no choice but to overlook the Queen’s lunacy and marry him on the spot.

Hence, a Real Princess?

(Know what? Already was. Ha.)

Hence, Happily Ever After?

Hence, you bet.

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28 thoughts on “Dragon Munchies: A Whole Tale in Just One Bite

    • Oh yes, the prince was worth it. He had too excellent a sense of humor to sweat the small stuff.

    • Thanks so much! Not the story I sat down to write, but what can you do–she shoved me right out of the way.

    • Fritz does have an older brother, actually, but last I heard he was stuck in a shoe store trying on glass slippers and causing the poor clerks no end of trouble.

  1. Oh, I love this! The first-person take on the fairytale was awesome all by itself — but the Princess and the Pea is one of my favourites (mostly because it’s so silly). Awesome take on the prompt!

    • haha, thank you! I hope you’ll forgive the liberties I took with the traditional tale, but this girl just seemed like the realest of real princesses, which meant I had to give her real bruises.

    • Thanks so much! It’s so much duller when characters behave; I’m relieved these ones didn’t.

  2. Love the voice you gave the princess.
    I happen to have one of those. She showed up in my house, outraged, claiming there had been some mistake. We’ve got an APB out on the prince.

    • Wishing you all the best with that. You’ve got to be careful; there’s a reason fairy tales don’t say much about princes.

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